Saturday, December 31, 2011

Temple: 2011's ghosts



1.


Behind your reflection in the mirror, he asks you how you feel
‘Filthy’, you say briefly. 

2.

I was in a dark place and I don’t know what happened to me, except you.

Last night, you made me feel like an ugly word, disposable. I said I would never write again and you said you were strong. The trees were struck by seasons and I hid in them, knowing that not even the Ganges and Indus in their monsoon glories could wash this stain away. I cried to strangers on the train, past Wembley Park and Preston Road, across Rayners Lane and Ruislip Manor.  You were so high you thought you saw the Niagara Falls stemming from my eyes, and smiled because it was beautiful.  All the time, you swore at strangers who saw tragedy where you saw history.

'Happy New Year', you said. 'Take pictures of the fireworks for me.' 


He made love to a corpse that night. There were two coats of Russian Red on pursed lips when it began. He pushed forwards, she pulled backwards, harder each time -


Chaque matin reprise en reve,
Et chaque soir abandonee


There was a blue stain where his fist met her ribs again and again and again. She was screaming, but she wasn't making a sound. His fingers left long traces around her neck. They were shaped like the Tate, where they'd display his paintings one day. She let him because she didn't know a life before him. Before he turned away because her kisses were not sweet, she asked him to hold her because she was so, so scared. When he was done with her, there was not a single curl left in her hair.



"I'd kill you everyday," he whispered into a dream. 

I have loved you in all the ways I knew, and now it is not enough.
When the sun rose again, he asked if she ever had nightmares.


3.


You, with the thousand lies, I love you so much.
It doesn’t hurt me anymore. It breaks me.

I don’t understand it, I fight it, I erode myself against it but it just doesn’t go away. I have tried occupying Wall Street against it, demolishing the Pearl Roundabout to end it, gone back to November 7 Square where it all began, but it just doesn't stop or fade away or burn out. So on this last night of this beautiful, miserable year, let them all hear it once and for all.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.


4.

He is always too hard on me,
Always too much of everything at the same time.

Maybe that is why my mind knows no temperate zones
When it comes to him.



6 comments:

  1. Unbearably painful, yet devastatingly beautiful. Your mind's like a tropical rainforest. Lush,full,overflowing with mysteries,dangers and endless beauty...It wouldn't accept temperate. :) It shouldn't.
    Happy New Year...

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  2. "Maybe that is why my mind knows no temperate zones"

    the first thing I read as the new year flapped its wings and took off....

    I think Winter Song Said it all.... ..

    Happy new year.

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  3. "There were two coats of Russian Red on pursed lips when it began." - Heartbreakingly tragic, the imagery.. The words left their indelible mark, the kind that "the Ganges and Indus in their monsoon glories" won't wash away.

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  4. "I was in a dark place and I don’t know what happened to me, except you."

    I would die to read a book if you ever wrote it.
    It's that real.

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  5. "I was in a dark place and I don’t know what happened to me, except you."

    "I have loved you in all the ways I knew, and now it is not enough."

    "Maybe that is why my mind knows no temperate zones
    When it comes to him."

    Do you live in my head?! No, actually you don't, because nothing SO beautiful could come from anyone but you :)

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  6. Happy New Year. Dark and beautiful, I'd say lighten up but the writing might go away. So try and strike a balance. :)
    <3

    ReplyDelete