Saturday, July 2, 2011

If I could ask you, just once..

Do you tell a man you're sorry just to make him stay?

Maybe I didn't really realize what a woman can do to a perfectly sane man till relatively recently. So this one goes out to you, who I make so ridiculously angry, and all you other amazing gents out there. Maybe you will find in your hearts a way to forgive that girl who wronged you because she didn't know any better, or because she tried too hard, or because she was a winsome fool.

1.

I wish one of you could just tell me how I can get you, my life, to forgive me for the treacheries of my heart,for thinking it no sin to give it away more than once, give it away when you were busy chasing horses and dreams, when you left such a maddening vacuum inside me that the universe rushed to fill it; I wish I knew how to tell you I'm sorry and convince you to stay.

And you, my love, I wish I knew how to ask for your forgiveness after you fitted into me like an extension of my own body and soul, and tell you how sometimes even the most perfect love in the world is not enough, how perhaps the most perfect loves are the ones doomed to fail. I wish I knew how to tell you how destroyed I am, and how sorry, but how the goodbye we've been silently dreading since that first day is now just waiting to be said.

I'm sorry, you, and you, because I loved you both in different ways, and all three of us are now hurt. I'm told it can only be my fault because I'm the only girl in this, and I wish someone, anyone, could tell me how you say you're sorry to a man? How you tell one to stay, and wish another away, when the bracelet you wear has two names branded into it and none of them is yours. Tell me how I can make this right.

2.

When this song haunted me, I knew exactly how you said you felt. This is my way of surrendering to you this cursed, this dear, dear bracelet.

Kangna - Bracelet
Language: Persian, Braj



O' bracelet-
Oh, give me back my bracelet, my dandy lover
Give me back my bracelet, O dandy lover..
Give me back this bracelet

I beg and beseech you
I fall at your feet
O' (this) bracelet

She killed me with coquetry and made "fate" the excuse
She refused to look my way and made "shyness" the excuse
Out of favour for the stranger (my rival), on his shoulder did she place her hand,
Sighting me, she made “a slip of the foot” the excuse

O' bracelet-
Oh, give me back my bracelet, my dandy lover
Give me back my bracelet, O dandy lover..
I say, you rake, give me back this bracelet
Give it back,
Oh lover,
Oh dandy lover,
I won't come with you to your courtyard

My friends, they mock me now, oh lover,
Oh, give me back my bracelet, my dandy lover
Give me back my bracelet, O dandy lover..
Oh, (this) bracelet!

I gave up my heart
And I gave up my life
And I gave up my entire faith
Oh' (over this) bracelet!

5 comments:

  1. "Maybe you will find in your hearts a way to forgive that girl who wronged you because she didn't know any better, or because she tried too hard, or because she was a winsome fool."

    Forgiving someone like that is easy. But what about a girl who knew better, or didn't try at all, or who thought that I was a fool?

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  2. This is beautiful. And I'd expect very few people to understand the plight of the "winsome fool." But you did. Brilliant. (:

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  3. @TheLover:

    I have found there to be very little difference in a girl who didn't know better and a girl who knew better but she kept on hoping; a girl who tried too hard and then stopped trying at all because she realized she couldn't control everything, that there was a world apart from you and her she could not fight without hurting so, so many more people. And if these two girls cannot be reconciled as one very winsome fool, then maybe, just maybe, you were a fool.

    People have different paths in love, different ways of feeling it under their skin, but that doesn't make one love less worthy than the other: some you keep because you love, some you leave because you love. And both have an uncanny habit of going wrong frequently.

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  4. "I am sorry ...you and you"....

    breaks my heart really.... what words....

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  5. I've always found it is near impossible for me to explain, or them to understand how one can love all of them, in different ways, each as special and as precious, yet each strangely touched with doom from the start.

    I feel almost as exactly like you do sometimes. I wake up from nightmares shuddering at the hurt words of one or the other, and the knowledge that my path is probably dogged with their bad-duas, that could've been avoided but not really. I hope its not that way sometimes, that they've found the peace that I haven't and their curses don't linger. But it often feels so.

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